handjob tips. give me some.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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