Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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