You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize