So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
