the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
