i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
