can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
