college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
