Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize