omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
