I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
