Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
