nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
