Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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