I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
