the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My pussy is not your playground.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
