that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
