Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
