You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
