We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
