I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.