my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
