We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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