what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
