Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
