Nicole vs. Life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
