definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize