ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
