your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
