Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
