what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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