I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
