I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
