just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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