So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
