6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
