I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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