Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
