I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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