I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
