Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
