Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
