Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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