My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
