This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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