I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
