RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
