Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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