apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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