He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
