I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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