dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
