it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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