You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
