I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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