I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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