you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
