What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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