Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
