what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
