can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
