She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
