First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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