I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
