Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
