So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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