He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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