Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
