Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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