In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
