I am spending my child support on dildos
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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