grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
