Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
