saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize