dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
