I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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