does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
