Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
